Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
All this time, she’s been right in front of me, and I finally see her. She’s the most devoted best friend. She has the kindest soul, the biggest heart. She’s smart and fun and she brightens my world.
“That was a great speech.” Her fingertips skim the side of my neck.
“So was yours, but I expected as much.” I pull her closer. “I’ve been waiting all day to have you in my arms again.”
“You’re making me melt over here, Nathan,” she whispers.
I think about what Flip said when we went for the run on the beach the other day. I need to own what I did all those years ago. It’s time to fix what I broke. And then this week doesn’t have to end when we leave the island. She could be mine, and I could be hers.
Essie loves love more than anyone else I know. This could be the beginning of something amazing.
So when the song comes to an end, I drop my mouth to her ear. “Can we talk?”
CHAPTER 31
ESSIE
He knows. My stomach feels like it’s about to turn itself inside out. Somehow he’s seen inside my head and has plucked out the fantasy where I’ve walked us down the aisle. That has to be the reason he looks serious and determined.
Just because he said he believes in love again, doesn’t mean he wants it himself, or even believes in it with me.
I swallow down the bile made of anxiety and the fear of heartache. “Sure, we can talk.”
The song changes, and people flood the dance floor, making it an easy escape. Nate keeps his hand on my lower back as he leads me away from the wedding festivities. His jaw is tight, and his brow is furrowed. I’ve grown accustomed to his softness over the past few days, to the warm smiles and casual affection. To falling asleep in his arms. I’m sure it’s about to come to a screeching halt, and I’m not ready.
He leads me to an empty gazebo by the beach. The moon reflects off the water, and the sky is a wash of twinkling stars. The waves lap the sand like a soft heartbeat. It’s perfectly romantic. Straight out of a fairy tale.
Nate tucks a hand in his pocket and turns to face me. “I need to apologize.”
My throat is tight, and tears prick behind my eyes. How stupid that I let my heart out of its cage last night and forgot to put it back in when the sex was over. “For what?”
He rubs a hand over his chin. “For being a dick.”
I frown. “I don’t understand.”
“For ghosting you before I left for university.”
“Oh.” My stomach fills with lead. I shoved that hurt into the closet with all the other boys who did the same, used it to fuel my belief that I could keep my feelings out of the equation with Nate.
“That kiss…” He shakes his head.
“You don—”
“It was the best kiss of my life. But then one of my friends started running his mouth, and I was leaving for Kingston in a few weeks, and I…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I panicked.”
Shame washes through me, and I have to avert my gaze. I can imagine what his friends said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” he presses on. “I’m sorry I ghosted you, Ess. I didn’t want to start something when I was leaving in a few weeks. You were staying in Toronto, and I was going to be three hours away. It never would have worked.”
“It’s okay. I get it.” He wasn’t the first or the last guy to kiss me and make promises he never delivered on.
I was a serial dater in high school, which would have been less of a problem if I’d dated guys who didn’t go to my high school. But in grade eleven, I had a new boyfriend every other month, and four of them went to my school. Regardless, they all ended the same way: with me by myself again.
I was pretty and popular, and boys wanted a taste, but they didn’t want me. They wanted the checkmark of approval from their friends that they’d dated me. And every time my heart got stomped on, I believed just a little bit more that this was all I was. Someone to play with and discard.
But I still held onto hope for the fairy tale ending. I had faith that someone would see what was underneath and want all of me. That the love of a lifetime would find me the way it had found my parents when they met in university. That one day, someone would think I was worth falling for. I would finally give my heart to the right person, and they would take care of it.
“It’s not okay. I was a dick to you, and I kept being a dick when you moved back. You just seemed so…unaffected. And I thought maybe that kiss didn’t mean to you what it meant to me. It was a constant reminder of what I’d done all those years ago, and it made me feel like shit, so I took it out on you with my bad moods. You didn’t deserve it. Not then and not now.” His gaze meets mine, and he looks so pained. “Essie, I…I like you.” He shakes his head. “No. That’s not true.”