Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
She glances around, maybe searching for the other half of my conversation. “You out here talking to your fairy godmother?”
I laugh. “I wish I had one.”
“Can’t promise any magic, but I’m good at listening, if you want to tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s Nate.”
She nods and rests her hip against the railing. “There’s been a vibe.”
“You’re good at catching the vibes, aren’t you?” She was in the know on the Lexi-Roman situation before the rest of us had a clue.
She nods. “I am.”
I word-vomit the entire story, starting with the kiss in high school and ending with me sabotaging Nate’s declaration—but I leave out the part about his mother showing up.
She sighs. “Ah, well it all makes good sense now.”
“He can’t be falling for me.” I need someone else to confirm this, to tell me I’m right. I have to be, it’s the only thing that makes sense.
Her smile is soft and understanding. “Love makes us vulnerable in a way nothing else can, and Nate doesn’t really seem like the type of guy who makes himself vulnerable on a whim. Love opens us up for wonderful and painful things. Look at Rix and Tristan. She was devastated that she’d fallen for him, and he was terrified of loving her. They both had to face their own feelings and fears. Maybe Nate’s just had his epiphany. And maybe now it’s your turn.”
“I love people who will never love me back,” I admit.
“That’s not entirely true, though, is it? You love Rix, and she loves you back just as fiercely.”
“Yeah, but it’s different. She’s my best friend. She’ll never leave me, and I’ll never leave her.”
“Your relationship with Rix is so special, Ess. And you’re right that platonic love is different, but it’s still love, and it still makes us vulnerable. We should all be so lucky to have the kind of friendship you and Rix do.”
“You have that with Lexi and Flip,” I say.
“You’re right, I do. Lexi is very much like a sister to me. We understand each other in a way not everyone can because we share common trauma. And I’ve had a lot of brothers and sisters over the years, but Flip is the truest family I’ve ever had. They both might as well be blood with how much space they take up in my heart.”
“Flip really is your best friend, isn’t he?”
“He is. One day, when he gets his head out of his ass and realizes his soul mate is waiting for him to finally fucking see her, I’ll be the one to help him through all those feelings.”
I arch a brow. “Are you talking about who I think you’re talking about?”
“I think her harmless teenage crush has shifted in the last year.”
“It’ll be messy when it happens, won’t it?”
“Yeah. But she needs to live a little more, and he’s not there yet, which isn’t a bad thing, so that’s a bridge for another day. Back to you and love. You’re surrounded by people who adore you and see you, Essie. All of you. Anyone lucky to be in your orbit knows that you’re wickedly smart, and kind, and generous, and the space in your heart is limitless. Take some of the faith you have in other people’s love and share it with yourself. Nate might be your person, but how will you know if you don’t give your hearts a chance outside of this bubble?”
CHAPTER 32
NATE
Ishould have kept my stupid mouth shut. I had a plan, and I deviated from it, and now it’s shot all to shit. I won’t get tonight with Essie. I won’t get to hold her, or kiss her, or be with her.
But maybe she’s right. Maybe this gaping hole in my chest has nothing to do with loving her. Maybe it is all the shit I’ve been keeping locked inside trying to gnaw its way out.
I can’t go back to the wedding. Not when everyone is happy and my heart has been punted into the ocean and chewed on by sharks. I don’t want Tristan or my dad to see me and ask questions. No one needs my rain cloud tonight but me.
I leave the boardwalk and take to the beach to avoid running into people. My shoes fill with sand, but I don’t stop to take them off, even though it’s uncomfortable and slows me down. I’m so up in my head that I almost trip over Connor. He’s drinking straight from a bottle of expensive champagne.
“Shit, sorry.” I stumble back and lose my footing, landing on my ass beside him.
“What are you doing out here?” His eyes narrow. “Your mother didn’t try to crash the wedding, did she? Security is supposed to be on the lookout.”
“She’s not here. I’m just trying not to spread my bad mood around to people who don’t deserve it.”