Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
He nods.
“How was it?”
“Pretty fucking awful, to be honest.” The pain in his voice and behind his eyes affirms this truth.
“Will you go again?” It’s one thing to start therapy; it’s another to stick with it.
“Yeah. Twice a week until I can sort through the hardest shit. Then we’ll adjust. I have some pretty deep-seated mommy issues, Ess.”
“I know.” I reach across the table, covering his hand with mine. “I’m sorry she’s such a disappointment.”
“Me too.” He sighs. “But I don’t want to go through life not being able to love someone the way they deserve, and you really deserve to have someone’s whole heart, Ess.”
“So do you,” I whisper.
“I want to be able to accept that, and believe it, but I think it’s going to take some work to get there.” He licks his lips. “I don’t know how long, but maybe you can give me some time to prove I’m going to make the effort?”
My whole body feels cold. I’m terrified that I could be setting myself up all over again. But he’s doing and saying all the right things. I care about him too much to just walk away.
So I nod. “I can give you time.”
CHAPTER 38
NATE
“Iget it now,” I tell my brother.
He and Rix returned from Aruba yesterday and invited me and Flip over for fajita and margarita night. Dred and Essie are coming, too. I haven’t seen Ess since we met up at the Pancake House, but we’re texting.
“Therapy is work, and sometimes it really sucks, but it’s worth it. Essie is worth it,” I explain.
He smiles faintly. “It changes everything, doesn’t it?”
“It really does. I see the mistakes I was making clearly now, and I’m going to do my best not to make them again.”
Flip’s hand goes to his chest. “I’m so fucking proud of you, honey bear.” He means it, too.
“You won’t be perfect, and some sessions will hurt more than others,” Tristan cautions. “Some days you’ll struggle not to fall back into old patterns, but now you know they exist.”
I nod. “That’s exactly it. I might not always catch myself in the moment, but I can reflect on it, and hopefully get better at it.”
“You will. It’s like everything—it takes time and practice.” He claps me on the shoulder. “You let me know if you need to get out some of the feelings with workouts. We can hit the gym, the ice, whatever you need, brother.”
“We’ve been doing that a lot.” I motion to Flip.
“Good. Now that I’m back, I can join you.”
The doorbell rings, and Rix comes rushing down the hall. “Nate! Big brother! I didn’t know you were already here!” She skids right into Tristan and tips her chin up for a kiss. She gives me and Flip both a quick hug. “Be right back.”
Her excited squeal echoes off the walls.
“Essie must be here,” Tristan says wryly.
“Yeah.” I run a hand over my chest and then through my hair.
“How are things going there?” Tristan asks.
“Trying not to fuck things up again and be the kind of guy we both deserve,” I reply.
“You’re already making progress,” he assures me.
Dred, Essie, and Rix appear.
Essie looks incredible in a pink summer dress that matches the streaks in her hair.
“Essie! The hair is my favorite!” Flip throws his arms around her, picks her up, and spins her. When he sets her down, he takes her hand and twirls her. “I love this new look.”
I want to punch him.
“It’s my breakup makeover,” she says.
And now I want to punch myself.
Dred gives me an empathetic smile.
Essie finally turns her attention to me. “Hi, Nate.”
“Hey, Ess.”
“Anyone want a drink?” Rix asks.
Everyone raises their hand.
“I’ll help you!” Essie links arms with her. “And so will Dred.” The three of them disappear into the kitchen.
Flip rocks back on his heels. “You’re really showing her how you feel, eh?”
“What the hell am I supposed to do with all of you standing around watching us?”
“Tell her it’s great to see her. That you miss her, that your life is shit without her. Did you even bring her a gift?” Flip folds his arms over his chest.
“Why would I bring a gift to fajita night?”
“Why would you bring a gift to fajita night?” Flip parrots.
I look to Tristan.
He shrugs. “Flip has a point.”
I throw my hands in the air. “Where was this advice an hour ago when we weren’t both already here?”
Flip is all fucking smiles. “I didn’t realize you were this much of a relationship novice.”
“I’m rusty!”
“You can say that again.” Flip crosses his arms. “Nut up or shut up, dude. Don’t be a crying little chicken bitch if she’s the one for you.”
“I was going to wait until later,” I mutter.
“Well, there might not be a later if you keep letting me step all over your toes.”
“Why do the three of you look so serious? You can’t be serious on fajita night!” Rix demands as she reappears.