Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Dred puts her arm around me. “Sorry. We don’t have to talk about him.”
“I’m fine. Just residual feelings leaking out.” I pluck a tissue from my purse and dab at the corners of my eyes. “I guess that means he’s past the brokenhearted phase.”
The elevator doors slide open, and we step out into the warm August night.
“Eh, I don’t know about that. I think it’s more that Flip was tired of all the moping and felt like he needed to do something other than sit around the apartment and be sad.”
It’s a short walk to the Watering Hole. The familiar scent of wings, pizza, and beer greets me as we enter the pub. This is what I need—a dose of normalcy. I’m no stranger to shaking off heartbreak, but it feels harder this time.
We grab a table and order margaritas and some apps to share.
“Rix and Tristan look like they’re having the best time on their honeymoon,” Dred says.
“She’s in her glory, for sure.” Rix has been sending daily updates in our Babe chat. “And she really, really needed this vacation before she goes back to school in the fall.”
“She definitely deserves the break,” Dred agrees.
We talk and eat, and even though my heart still hurts, it feels good to be out with a friend.
My phone buzzes with a new message, and I glance at the screen. My stomach lurches and my heart rate spikes.
“Is he finally reaching out?” Dred asks. She doesn’t seem that surprised.
I bite my lip. “Should I check it? I should check it.”
“Do you want to check it?”
“Yes. No. Yes. It’s been two weeks. It feels like an eternity.” I open the message.
Nate
Hey. I’m so sorry for the silence. I’ve been working through my stuff. I don’t know if you’re up for it, but I’d really like to see you.
“He wants to meet up,” I whisper.
“What do you want?” Dred asks.
For my heart to stop hurting. To be able to trust my gut. To give my soft parts to the right person. “To hear what he has to say.”
“Then that’s what you should do.”
Essie
Okay.
Nate
Are you free tonight?
Essie
I’m with Dred right now.
Nate
Will you be available later? I could come to you.
My apartment is not ready for Nate, and I’m not ready for Nate to be in my apartment. Neutral territory would be better.
Essie
How about the Pancake House?
Nate
Just tell me what time, and I’ll meet you there.
Essie
Nine?
Nate
I’ll see you then.
Thank you.
“I’m meeting him in less than two hours,” I tell Dred. “Should I go home and change?”
“If you feel like you need to, but he’s woken up beside you plenty of times, hasn’t he?”
“He has.”
“So you don’t need to show him what he’s missing. He already knows.”
Nate is at the Pancake House when I arrive. He looks gorgeous, and nervous, and I have no idea what’s about to happen. I want to hear him out, but I don’t want to open myself up for another shot of heartache.
He stands and runs his hands over his thighs. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I slip into the booth before he can make a move to touch me. We’re not in a place where I can handle physical contact.
He takes his seat.
Rainbow, the server, comes over with coffee and water. “You need a few minutes with the menu?”
“I’ll have the cookies and cream milkshake, please.” I’ve been eating my feelings all day, why stop now?
“I’ll have the same,” Nate says.
“Sure thing!” Rainbow flounces off.
“How are you?” Nate asks. “You look good. You look great. I love the hair.”
“Thanks.” I finger one of the pink streaks. “I’m okay. How are you?”
“Okay. Getting better. The last couple of weeks have been rough,” he admits.
I nod. “Yeah. They haven’t been my favorite.”
He swallows. “I wanted to message before today, but I wasn’t ready.”
“But you’re ready now?” Everything feels so strained.
He nods.
“What are you ready for?”
“To talk things out.” He fidgets with the napkin. “You were right, Ess. I didn’t want you to be, but you were.”
My stomach sinks and knots. I look down at my hands and fight the tears. I don’t know if I’m ready to hear this.
“Not about me falling for you,” he rushes on. “I’m definitely in love with you.”
My heart drops from my throat back into my chest.
“But you were right that I was reacting to all the things happening around us. My mom showing up, taking the money…” He pauses to clear his throat. “I couldn’t see anything clearly. And it wasn’t until I got home and had some time to process that I realized every time you stepped in to take care of me and offer me support, I diverted all my feelings into sex.”
Rainbow sets our shakes on the table and quietly rushes away, red faced.
“I started therapy today,” Nate says softly.
“You did?” The hope blossoming in my chest scares the hell out of me.