Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97079 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 485(@200wpm)___ 388(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
The knife to the heart almost takes me to my knees.
“I don’t just like you.” His voice drops to a whisper, like he’s sharing a forbidden secret. “I want a life with you.”
For a moment, time stands still. This is the opposite of what I expected, and I’m reeling. His eyes are wild, the energy around him frenetic. Before I can even respond he starts again.
“It could work this time. You and me. You’ve been here all along. You’ve never left. I was just too scared to take the risk.” He motions to our surroundings. “Being here together just proves how good everything will be. I can see our whole future playing out like a slideshow, Ess. I can see it with you.” He barely takes a breath before he says, “I think we can do this. I love you.”
Understanding pushes its way in, stomping on his declaration. He’s mistaking wedding magic for feelings. His mother showing up, my taking care of him, his brother marrying the love of his life—all of it is swirling together, heightening his fragile state, making him believe what he’s saying is true. But when we’re back in Toronto and reality settles in, he’ll realize none of what he thinks he’s feeling is real.
I fell into bed with Nate knowing he was the king of wrong guys. He’d already rejected me once, and it made him safe to have some fun with. I want fairy-tale romance, and he thinks it’s what he’s offering, but I know if I reach out and take it, it will slip through my fingers and disappear.
“You don’t, though,” I say softly, my heart already breaking at his confused expression.
“What?”
“You think you’re in love, Nate, but you’re not.” I motion to the twinkle lights and all the people dancing, laughing, and having a great time in the distance. “No one goes from hating the idea of commitment, to saying I love you nearly overnight. All of this is clouding your vision. You think you feel this way because we’re surrounded by people who are in love. You want this to be real. Trust me, I get it. It’s this beautiful beacon of hope, and I understand that you’re searching for something to hold on to—that you’re scared, especially with everything that’s happened, Nate. Your mom—”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with her,” he snaps.
“But it does.” My throat is tight, eyes filling with tears. “How could it not? She literally took the money and ran. You haven’t even had time to process it. You won’t talk to me about it. How can you believe you want a life together when you won’t share your pain with me?” My heart feels like it’s crumbling to dust. And right now, in this perfectly awful moment, I recognize I’m the one who’s fallen. “You’re mistaking fear and lust for love, Nate.”
His brow furrows. “But you took care of me.” He motions between us. “You keep taking care of me. I like how I feel when I’m with you.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but I’ve been a fun little distraction from all the things you want to avoid.” I say it, I see the truth in it. Of course he’s been seeking an escape from the pain of it all. And I gave him one. Willingly. “Everyone else’s happiness is influencing you right now. You’re not serious about me and you don’t want a future with me. In a week you’ll wake up and realize you professed your love to me out of fear, and then you’ll panic because it’s not what you want. You’ve told me—you’ve told everyone—love isn’t real for years. This is just the wedding vibes and hot sex talking.”
I would know. This has happened to me before, too many times to count. I’ve mistaken lust for something more, too. It’s what I’ve been doing this whole time. Whatever these feelings are that he thinks he has, they’ll fizzle out when we’re back in Toronto. “Until this week you didn’t even have faith Rix and Tristan could last, let alone you and someone.”
With that, his walls come up, and he shuts down. It’s what I’ve been waiting for, but it still shreds my heart.
“Right.” He takes a step back. “We were only ever just fucking.”
“Nate.” I reach for him, but he shifts away.
“You were very clear, and I didn’t listen. I get the message now.” He spins around and walks away.
And I just…let him.
Because when he’s had a chance to really think about it, he’ll realize I’m the one who’s right, even if I wish I weren’t. I don’t want to be the idea he clings to, the refuge he seeks to escape his pain. I want it to be real for him like it is for me.
“Essie?”
I look up to find Dred coming up the steps to the gazebo from the beach. “Hey.”