Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 152064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 760(@200wpm)___ 608(@250wpm)___ 507(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 760(@200wpm)___ 608(@250wpm)___ 507(@300wpm)
“That won’t happen,” Enid says quickly.
“Phillip does exactly what my mom did with my dad, though,” I whisper.
“But now you know why, and so does he. You won’t spend two and a half decades letting him get away with it.”
“You’re right.” I dab at my swollen eyes. “Phillip hasn’t just been living up to the fantasy boyfriend I built in my head; he’s been exceeding it. But he’s human and imperfect, and he has damage.”
“At least now you know what it is,” Fee says.
“Yeah.” She’s right. And sitting here stewing about the future isn’t helpful. “I think I’m just hypersensitive to all of it because of what’s happening with my parents.” As if on cue, there’s a knock on the door. “And that’s my mom.”
“We’ll be at my place. Just come over when you’re ready.” They help me to my feet and disappear into Fee’s room to grab her backpack while I let my mom in.
She’s holding a bag from the Dutch Toko by our house. They have the best selection of dropjes in the city.
“Pars is coming for you!” Fee yells.
I nab him before he can escape. He yowls and writhes. My mom comes in and quickly shuts the door, but not before my cat scratches the hell out of my arm and launches himself off my chest.
And because I’m a hot mess, more tears fall.
Mom drops the bag and hugs me.
I can’t hug her back without bleeding on her, so I just rest my head on her shoulder and let her squeeze the sadness out of me.
Eventually she pulls back. “You’re really having a rough go, aren’t you?”
My arm is bleeding in several places. “Yeah.”
She ushers me down the hall. “Let’s get those disinfected since Parsnip steps in his own poop.”
“Good call.” I don’t need an infection to go with the rest of the shit heap I call my life at the moment.
Fee, Cammie and Enid pass us in the hall.
“Oh no! What happened?”
“Pars tried to escape.”
“Do you need us?”
“We’ve got it,” Mom assures them.
Fee chastises Parsnip as we disappear into my bedroom.
Mom’s gaze lands on my Madden body pillow, but she doesn’t say anything. I’m too sad to be embarrassed.
She closes the toilet seat and pats the top.
“I can disinfect these,” I say.
“I know, but let me be your mom, please.”
I take a seat and direct her to the first aid supplies.
“Do you want to talk to me about how you’re feeling?” she asks as she wets a washcloth with warm water.
“Sad. Confused. Scared.”
She nods. “It’s a big secret to keep.”
“He kept it from everyone except Dred.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not jealous that she knew and I didn’t. His childhood best friend and his family didn’t even know. But if I’m his person and he’s mine, I need him to share all of himself with me, not just the good parts.”
“Did you tell him that?” she asks.
“Yeah. Last night we talked.”
“Did that go okay?” She dabs gently at the wounds. They’re just surface scratches.
“I think so. It’s just…a lot. There’s so much going on. My head is so messy,” I admit.
“You’ve had a lot thrown at you the past few months. And you haven’t had the luxury of a relationship without interference. They’re hard when you’re not in the spotlight, but they’re infinitely more difficult when everyone else believes they have an opinion that counts.” She wets a cotton pad with hydrogen peroxide and applies it to the scratches.
“Is that why you always told Dad everything was fine?” I ask.
She meets my gaze. “It’s possible. Your dad’s job has always been public and maybe that impacted my choices. But you’ve grown up in this world. Phillip won’t always play professional hockey.”
“I know.” I roll my bottom lip between my teeth. “The media stuff has been hard, but that’s not what I’m most worried about.”
“Does the fact that he’s divorced scare you?”
“I just…I love him. I’ve never felt this way before. He has my whole heart. And what if we build this life together and it all falls apart? I don’t want that.”
“Oh, my sweet girl.” Mom smooths her hand over my hair, her expression sad and knowing. “We can’t predict the future, but you can take what you’ve learned, good and bad, from me and your father, and do your best not to make the same mistakes we did.”
“I’m trying.”
“Does he know how you feel?”
“I haven’t told him. I don’t know if he feels the same.”
“It’s hard to put your heart on the line. Especially when it’s been broken before. He wouldn’t be this scared if he didn’t have deep feelings for you.”
“I just need him to feel safe enough with me to admit them.”
CHAPTER 50
FLIP
Tristan and I are meeting at the Pancake House in a couple of hours, which means I can either stew in my own self-loathing, regret and fear, or I can make a trip to the retirement village. I’m long overdue for a Gurdy visit. I sign in with Jerico at the front desk.