Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 86826 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86826 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
But I simply cannot be mad at a man who lost his entire world and within that loss, he’s stuck with an inability to move forward. I give his hand a hard squeeze. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever be able to understand why you were pushing me away, but I get it now. And I can’t be mad at that.”
Julian’s gaze moves from the empty plot to mine and he nods. “I knew you’d understand and I should have told you earlier. I should have told you after that first dinner date when I knew I wanted to see you again.”
“Well, you told me now and it really helps. Thank you for sharing that, and…” I glance back down the hill at Percy, assuming he’ll give me a ride home. My gaze returns to Julian and I release his hand. “And thank you for the time we spent together. I’ll always cherish it.”
Julian frowns slightly and shakes his head. “But I’m not done.” He reasserts his grip on my free hand and envelops my chilled fingers. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… soul searching, really.” He swallows hard, then looks at me. “And what I’ve realized is that I’ve been living each day of my life as if I’m preparing for the day I die.”
Emotion swells in my chest. “Oh, Julian,” I whisper. “I think that’s a testament to how deeply you loved them.”
He nods. “Yes, that’s true. But I think I’m realizing that love, no matter how great it once was, should never affect your current life negatively. And I was letting it do that.”
“I wish I had known,” I say more quietly now. “I wish you would’ve told me.”
Julian looks down toward the graves again. “I didn’t want to burden you with this.”
“You wouldn’t have.”
“But I… I let it destroy us instead.”
The honesty of it hits me hard enough that tears sting my eyes again.
“There’s something else you need to know,” he says.
“I had a dream… A few nights ago.” I stay completely still, listening. “She was there… Kylie was. We were on the yacht in the Bahamas watching the sunrise. And then she brought you to me. She told me you were there for me, that she brought you there.”
Tears blur my vision.
“I woke up terrified,” he admits. “That was the morning you found me on the balcony.”
“It’s when you started to withdraw,” I say, thinking about how I could sense it deep in my bones.
“I think that since having you in my life, it’s started to feel real enough and important enough that I could lose you too. And instead of handling that fear properly, I pushed you away.”
That he did, but it makes sense now.
And it’s… forgivable.
“Harper… do you get what I’m saying?” he asks, urgently.
“Yes. You’re apologizing and explaining why you can’t commit—”
“No,” he exclaims, his hand going behind my neck as he peers down at me from under the umbrella. “I know what I want now… I want you, Harper. I think I’ve wanted you for longer than I even understood myself.” A broken laugh escapes him. “You walked into my life and somehow made me start imagining a future again.”
“Julian—”
“No,” he says softly, stepping closer now. “Let me finish. For a long time, I convinced myself loving Kylie meant I could never love anyone else again. But that isn’t true.”
Tears slip freely down my cheeks now.
“I will always love them,” he whispers. “Always. But that doesn’t change this. It doesn’t change the fact that somewhere along the way…” His thumb brushes shakily across the back of my neck. “I fell in love with you too. And I’m done letting guilt and fear and grief dictate the rest of my life. I’m done punishing myself for surviving.”
Julian steps even closer still until there’s barely any space left between us.
“I love you, Harper Hawthorne,” he says, his voice both devastating and beautiful. “And I’m not letting fear of the future or fear of the past stop me from loving you properly anymore.”
My head spins. Hell, my entire world spins. “You love me?”
“Yes.” He stares at me with such intensity that my heart gallops within my chest. “Madly in love and I am not letting it go. Say you forgive me for being an asshole and say that you’re willing to give this another chance.”
I stare at him. “I don’t think I want to say that.” Julian’s eyes widen, unsure of what to do. I let him off the hook quickly, though. “What I will say, though, is that I love you too.”
A breath whooshes out of him, a sign of relief, and then he kisses me.
The rain falls softly around us while his hands slide into my hair and I kiss him back with everything left inside me.