Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 96512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
I don’t know what’s worse—having to live with knowing I love someone I can’t be with or never having met them in the first place.
There’s no point in railing against inevitability. I press my lips against hers and allow myself to melt into the moment.
THIRTY-TWO
Juniper
I can’t get myself together today. The morning routine usually runs like a well-oiled machine, but today I feel like I’m trying to catch water in a colander. All I can think about is Fisher driving off in Byron’s truck after he’d dropped me home last night, and he yelled out the window, “See you tomorrow.”
We promised each other no goodbyes. And he fulfilled his promise.
His words still hit like a sucker punch to my gut, and I collapsed on the porch crying.
I’ve just got to get through the next few days. I need to put on a brave face for Riley until the weekend and then I can retreat and… regroup. Rebuild myself.
“Do you have your backpack?” I yell. “And did you brush your teeth?”
Riley bounds out of her bedroom, baring her teeth. “Teeth are clean and backpack is by the door.” She skirts around me, heading into the kitchen.
I turn, following her. “And what about your lunch—”
She’s already at the refrigerator. “Got it, Mom. What’s with you this morning?”
I shake my head and grab my keys and sunglasses. “Nothing. I just didn’t sleep very well.”
“You’ll be able to sleep in this weekend.” Riley’s excited that her dad is back in Star Falls, starting on Saturday for the start of Riley’s summer vacation. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I need to get into the studio and let out all my feelings onto the canvas. Then maybe all these conflicting feelings I’m having about Fisher will stop churning inside me. “Are you going to paint?” she asks.
“Come on,” I say, heading out the door. “We need to leave for school.”
“But, Mom, are you going to paint?” She looks a little distressed.
“Yeah. I guess. Why?”
“I’m going to be with Dad for nearly two whole weeks when school is closed. You won’t have work to keep you busy, and I don’t want you to be lonely. Especially now that Fisher’s gone.”
My heart snags at her concern for me. I ruffle her hair and nod toward the car.
Riley said her goodbyes to Fisher when he came to pick me up for our final date last night. He handled it expertly, just telling her that he’d see her around. I think she expects that he’ll be back next week. But he won’t, and I need to come to terms with that.
“I’ll be fine,” I say reassuringly. “It’s not like tidying up this place is going to take me an hour. I have plenty to do. Don’t you worry about that.”
She grins at me as she gets into the back seat. “Dad says we can go fishing.”
“He’s taking you to the lake?”
“Yeah, and he says we can camp and stay overnight and stuff.”
Shit. He should have discussed that with me. He’s not exactly a mountain man. I’m not sure if he’s capable of spending the night in a tent. He was always very particular about his bedtime routine.
“Wow,” I say. “That sounds like fun. So long as it doesn’t rain.”
“It won’t rain.”
I laugh. There’s nothing that beats a child’s optimism. If her dad has promised her a camping trip, then he’s going to have to follow through. I’ve seen that expression in Riley’s eyes before. She’ll be staying in a tent on her own if she has to.
I make a mental note to order a few things that might make an overnight stay a little more child friendly. And also to talk to Riley’s dad about the location of this proposed trip. I need to understand if he’s properly thought this through.
“You know how much I’ve wanted to camp.”
Did I? I’ve never heard Riley mention camping before. There are a thousand new obsessions every week, it seems.
I put the car into drive and we head out in the direction of the school. “Did you remember your lunch, Mom?” she asks from the back seat.
I sigh. It’s still in the refrigerator. “I’m grabbing something with Miss Peters today,” I lie, referring to another of the teaching assistants. She doesn’t need to know her mother’s a mess this morning.
“Oh. Cool. Wouldn’t it be good if Dad came to Star Falls during school one time? Then I could show him my classroom. He’s never seen inside. Not even last year.”
“Yeah. That would be fun. But you know he doesn’t want to share you with school,” I say. Fact is, her dad could come to Star Falls more often. Frankly, if Riley’s schooling was important to him, he could have arrived a few days early and arranged a meeting with her teacher. But he leaves all that to me. He always has. At least this way, I’m on top of everything.