Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 96512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
We sit in silence, my thoughts loud in my head. I’d been so angry. So let down. So altered from that moment.
“And then,” I say eventually, “when I did some digging on you, I found out that about the same time my parents told me they were divorcing, your mom had finally gotten the courage to file for child support from my father.”
Gerry nods, slowly. Solemnly.
“I don’t know if my mom just found out he’d cheated then. Or she’d lived with it since it happened. Maybe it happened throughout their marriage, and she just didn’t know what to do. She didn’t work. I think she would have been too frightened to divorce my father when I was a kid, even if she had found out.”
I pull in a breath and feel lighter for it. “I have compassion for my mother that I haven’t felt in a long time. Maybe ever. I think she did the best she could in the circumstances. It took me a long time to trust my gut, but actually, ever since that day when they told me they were divorcing, my gut’s never been wrong. I think my mom was a victim of my father’s bad behavior…” I pause. “And so were you.” I want him to believe me when I tell him the next bit. “I didn’t know.”
Gerry finally speaks. “He denied my existence my entire life.”
I pour out two more glasses of tequila, ready to hear his story.
“I hated you,” he says. It must feel good to admit it. And I can’t blame him. I would have hated me too. “I wanted what you’d had. I wanted a dad who wanted me. I wanted the perfect family. Growing up, my lack of father just wasn’t talked about. I craved him, though. I wanted a dad to throw a ball with, to have water fights with. My mom was a good mom. She worked two jobs. She loved me.
“Then things shifted when I was thirteen. My mom lost her job and she got really stressed. She told me later that that’s when she reached out to…” He grimaces, unable to even refer to our father. “When she’d told him she was pregnant, he fled. She never saw him again. And when she reached out, he wouldn’t take her calls. It wasn’t until she lost her job that she got lawyers involved.”
Since I was eighteen, I’ve thought my dad was a liar. But now I can add coward to his character description. And all this time, my mom has never told me what happened. Maybe she’s been trying to save face. Or maybe she’s been trying to protect me.
“She got another job, so she dropped the lawsuit for a couple of years. At that point, I knew what had happened. I knew I had a father and that he had another family. I guess it was just my age—I didn’t understand how the world worked. I just accepted things. I think she wanted to give him an opportunity to know me.” He lets out a cynical half laugh. “He didn’t take it, of course. I overheard them on the phone. My mom told him that he had two sons. Not one, and that you had a brother. He hung up.”
My stomach churns at the lies. At the cowardice. At the lack of fucking character. The guy I idolized for so long. The man who called me his sidekick. The man I thought hung the moon was nothing like the man he’d pretended to be.
“Before then, I’d never really pictured him or you. I accepted he wasn’t in our life without question. But from that day, I couldn’t get you out of my head. You were easy to find on social media, after I learned your last name from the court papers my mom had.” He sighs as if he’s finally given up the fight, like he realizes there’s been too much misplaced bitterness. “I went to the same college. Even managed to get myself in the same dorm. I was sick of missing out, and I was determined not to anymore. I wanted what you had.”
It all makes sense now. I wish we’d had this conversation earlier.
“Turns out we both like music. I’m not sure if it was my passion before I started in the business, but it is now. I love it. And managing the bands—that’s what I loved most. Spotting potential in artists and delicately shaping it so they fulfill their potential…” He nods and smiles for the first time since I ordered the tequila. “I should be grateful to you. My job is genuinely my calling. Anyway, when we both ended up working at EMG, I thought my time had come. I could take what you thought was yours. Make sure you had less to make up for all the time when you had far too much. Much more than I had.