Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83612 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83612 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“Night, Mandy.” I sigh, relishing the feel of her in my arms. All night. I get to hold her all night. I know it’s just going to make resisting her harder, but I don’t care. My gut tells me that this is where I’m supposed to be. With Amanda and Mia.
It scares the hell out of me because my daughter is her best friend, and I love Bellamy with every part of me. But my attraction for Amanda is big, massive in a way that’s all-consuming. I can’t stay away. I also know Amanda needs time. I hate lying to my daughter, but I’ll give her what she’s asking for. She’s been through enough.
I just hope that when the truth comes out, my daughter finds it in herself to forgive me. There has to be a way I can have all three of them in my life. I know that this is more than Amanda in my arms. It’s Mia, too, and I want that. I want them to be mine.
This is riskier than any play I’ve ever called.
You have to take the risk to reap the reward, though.
Amanda and Mia, they’re my reward.
Sixteen
Amanda
* * *
I wake to the feel of soft lips pressing against my temple. For a split second, I don’t know where I am. The room is dim, washed in that bluish-gray light that comes just before sunrise. The air smells faintly of salt and sunscreen, and there’s the distant hush of waves rolling onto the shore beyond the windows of our beachfront rental. Then my eyes pop open, and everything comes crashing into me all at once.
Florida.
Sharing a room with Will and Mia.
Will asking, in that careful, almost fragile voice last night, if he could hold me.
Me giving in to temptation.
Again.
My breath catches as awareness settles over me. His arm is draped heavily around my waist, warm and solid, his palm splayed against my stomach like he was afraid I might disappear in the night. My back is pressed against his chest, and I can feel the steady rise and fall of his breath, the slow rhythm ghosting across the nape of my neck. The sheets are tangled around our legs.
“Morning.” His raspy, sleep-laced voice meets my ears.
The sound of it sends a small, traitorous shiver down my spine. It’s low and rough, like he hasn’t fully woken up yet, like I’m the first thing he’s choosing to acknowledge, and well, I guess I am.
I swallow. “Morning.” My voice comes out softer than I intend, with a slight rasp from sleep.
Mia shifts in her Pack ’N Play. The unit gives a quiet squeak, and my heart leaps into my throat. I freeze, every muscle going rigid. Will’s arm tightens instinctively around me, his fingers flexing as if to steady me, or maybe to steady himself.
We’re both still as we listen. Mia exhales, long and even, and then goes still again.
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
Will’s nose brushes lightly against my hair. “You’re tense,” he murmurs.
“I’m nervous,” I whisper back. The reality of where we are, that we slept in the same bed, risking being caught, spikes my adrenaline. The line between right and wrong in this instance is thin, and we keep crossing it, pretending as if we haven’t.
He doesn’t respond right away. His thumb starts tracing circles against my stomach, beneath my sleep shirt, slow and absentminded. It’s such a small touch, but it feels intimate in a way that makes my chest ache.
“If you regret it, I don’t want to know,” he whispers. “I wouldn’t trade last night, holding you and getting to wake up with you in my arms, for anything. I knew what I was asking for, and I don’t want to forget it happened, or take it back.”
I know he did. That’s what makes it worse, because I wanted him to hold me. While my anxiety now that I’m awake is at an all-time high, I can’t find it in me to regret it either. And that is not good news for either of us. One of us needs to remain level-headed about whatever this is, and that it can’t happen, no matter how badly we want it to.
I close my eyes briefly, leaning back despite myself, just enough to feel him more fully behind me. “I know.” But knowing doesn’t seem to change anything.
Outside, a gull cries sharply, and sunlight begins to slip through the crack in the curtains, painting thin gold lines across the carpet. In a few minutes, Mia will wake up. We’ll get dressed, go down for breakfast, and pretend like last night never happened. We’ll attempt to act normal, as if we didn’t break any rules. I’ll pretend like we didn’t gravitate toward one another in the dark. I’ll ignore the fact that I can still feel his goodnight kiss against my temple as we fell asleep. I’ll have to act like I’m not acutely aware of how my body fits perfectly next to his.