Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 114492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“Thanks,” Henn says, re-entering the room. “Damn door locked behind me.”
I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying. “Oh, Henny, you’re hilare.”
“I think maybe my strategy needs a little fine-tuning,” Henn says.
“Just a little,” I agree. “Okay, so approach me. Come on. Pretend I’m a girl you’re interested in.”
“Well, that’s not hard to do,” he mutters.
“Come on. Just be yourself.”
Henn stares at me for a long minute and then throws up his hands. “I have no fucking idea what to do.” He plops himself into a chair.
“Don’t overthink it. The truth is, it doesn’t actually matter what you say to a woman—it’s all in your attitude. You know how in public speaking, they say to imagine your audience naked?”
“Yeah. You’re saying I should imagine you naked? Oops. Too late. I just did.” His face turns bright red. “Confession time: that wasn’t the first time I’ve done that. Sorry.”
I laugh. “No, no, no. Don’t imagine the babe naked—you’ll get too flustered. Instead, just imagine your dick is so big, it drags on the ground.” I glance at Josh pointedly and he shoots me a naughty smile.
“Do you have any advice that’s a bit more concrete than that?” Henn asks. “Imagining my dick is dragging on the ground seems a bit esoteric.”
I laugh. “Okay, I’ve got a great rule of thumb for you,” I say. “Every time you open your mouth to talk to a woman you’re interested in—a babe you wanna bag—ask yourself this question: ‘Is what I’m about to say more or less likely to get me a blowjob?’ If the answer is yes, then say it—but if the answer is no, then shut the fuck up.”
Josh bursts out laughing.
“Whoa,” Henn says.
“Words to live by,” Josh says. “Did one of your brothers come up with that little gem?”
“No. That’s all me.”
“Damn,” Josh says. “I think we just discovered who of the three of us is the real fucking genius. Damn.”
“If all men knew that one simple rule,” I continue, “the world would be a much happier place.”
“Fuck yeah,” Josh agrees. “For everyone.” He spreads his legs and reaches under the table, presumably adjusting his dick in his pants. “What other tips you got, Madame Professor? I must admit, I’m finding your lesson plan highly educational.”
“That’s it. I’m done talking. Now it’s time for Henny to learn through doing. Come on, Henny. Get up. It’s role-play time.”
Henn scowls at me.
“Oh, come on. This is for your own good. Try to pick me up, using all the advice I just gave you.”
Henn grimaces.
“Get up. Come on,” I say.
Henn begrudgingly stands.
“Okay. We’re in a bar. I’m a babe you’re interested in bagging. Go.”
“Bars aren’t really my thing, actually. I have a lot more success at places like, you know, Starbucks. Gimme a woman with a laptop in Starbucks, preferably a cute little brunette with glasses, and I’m Don Juan.”
“Okay. Fine. We’re in Starbucks. I’ve got a laptop. Go.”
“Brown hair and glasses?”
“You bet. Now go.”
“Well, is your laptop a Mac or a PC?”
I make a face. “Whichever. That’s not important. Go.”
“Not important? Are you mad?”
“Okay, fine.” I roll my eyes. “A Mac. Now, go.”
“Can you be more specific, please? What model? A Mac Book Pro? Or a Mac Book Air? And how many gigabytes of memory?”
“Holy Filibuster, Batman!” I shout.
Josh laughs.
“No more stalling, Henn,” I say. “Come on. Goooooooooo.”
“Fine.” He closes his eyes briefly, and when he opens them, he’s clearly got his Casanova face on. “Um. Oh, hi there, pretty brunette lady with glasses. I’m Hennessy. I was wondering, is your name ‘Wi Fi’ by any chance?”
I make a face. “Is my name ‘Wi Fi’?” I ask, not comprehending his meaning.
“Yeah, because I really feel a connection to you.”
We all laugh together.
“I told you, I have no idea,” Henn says, smiling shyly. “The initial approach is the hardest thing for me.”
“You just have to act like it’s a foregone conclusion,” Josh says. “Make her think it’s her lucky day you’ve graced her with your attention.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, this I gotta see. Show us how you do it, Playboy.”
“Oh, you wanna see how I do it, huh?”
“Hell yeah. Razzle-dazzle us, Playboy.”
He smirks. “You sure you can handle it?”
“Pretty sure.”
“Okay, I’ll show you the Playboy razzle-dazzle, but I gotta warn you, even in role-play, it’s gonna make you wanna sleep with me.”
“I’ll risk it.”
“Just sayin’—you’ve been warned.”
“I’ll risk it,” I say again.
“I think you should sign a waiver first.”
I roll my eyes. “Just give it to me already.”
“That’s exactly what you’ll say after I show you the Playboy razzle-dazzle.”
I laugh. “We’ll see about that. Come on.”
“Fine. But we’re at a bar, not Starbucks. At least let me play on my home turf.”
“Okay,” I say. “We’re at a bar. Go.”
Josh slowly gets up from his chair and sidles up to me, taking his sweet time.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says smoothly. “I’m Josh.” He puts out his hand.