Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 114492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
“Careful. Chocolate cake is a gateway drug,” Josh says.
“I’ll risk it,” Henn says.
“I like the way you think, Henn. YOLO, right?” I shoot Josh a wink and he smiles.
“Slide that plate between us, Kitty Kat,” Henn says. “We’ll share.”
I hand Henn a fork and slide the cake plate between us. “Josh? You wanna succumb to death by chocolate with us?”
“Nah, I’m a cheesecake man, through and through. Send that bad boy down here.”
Henn slides the cheesecake across the table toward Josh.
“Hey, Josh, shoot that apple pie over to papa,” Henn says, a huge bite of chocolate cake stuffed in his mouth.
“Here you go, papa,” Josh says.
“Oh no, did they forget the ice cream?” I ask. “Please, God, no.”
“It’s right here,” Henn says, shoving the bowl of ice cream at me. “Save your prayers for world hunger or curing cancer.”
“Or Seahawks games,” Josh adds.
I laugh.
When our eating frenzy has slowed down a bit, we lean back in our chairs, patting our stomachs.
“That hit the spot,” I say. “Thinking so hard really works up an appetite. Who knew?”
Henn laughs.
“I don’t know how you do it day after day, Henn,” I say. “Just a few hours of thinking hard and my brain hurts.”
“It’s not thinking hard for Henn. Like I keep saying, he’s a fucking genius,” Josh says.
“Thanks, man.”
“So what’s next, boss?” Josh asks.
“We send all the data we’ve extracted through translation software and hope whatever comes out the other side leads us to our next rabbits to chase.”
“How long ’til you crack into their system, you think?” Josh asks.
“There’s no way to know for sure, but I’m guessing just a couple days. Maybe four or five, outside.”
My stomach turns over and my chest tightens. Damn. I’m definitely gonna have a problem keeping my job if this takes much longer than another day or two. I glance up at Josh and he’s staring at me intently. I half-smile at him, but I’m suddenly wracked with anxiety.
“I tell you one thing, though,” Henn says. “Having you guys helping me out tonight sure sped things up a ton. Probably shaved a couple days off.”
“It was amazing watching you work,” I say.
“Yeah, that’s what all the pretty girls say, Kitty Kat.”
I laugh. “I’m sure they do, Henny.”
“Actually, no, they don’t. That was humor borne of pain.”
“That’s all humor is,” Josh says. “The flipside of pain.”
“Hey, no deep conversations allowed here,” I say. “Only superficial banter, please. And cake.”
“Amen,” Josh says. “No argument from me.”
“Henn, I can’t imagine why girls aren’t tackling you to the ground as you walk down the sidewalk,” I say. “You’re obviously the total package.”
“Why, thank you.”
“Which means whatever’s not working for you can be traced to whatever you’re doing or not doing to get their attention. What’s your go-to move to close the deal, if you know what I mean?”
“No, I don’t know what you mean. That’s the problem. I have no idea what you mean.”
I shoot a worried look at Josh. “The patient is flatlining, doctor. We need the crash cart.”
Josh laughs. “He’s too nice—that’s the problem,” Josh says. “Just dick it up a little bit, Henn, and women will be elbowing each other in the earholes to get to you, I guarantee you.”
“‘Dick it up’?” I repeat.
“Absolutely. There’s a time and place for nice and sensitive and sweet—and a time and place for dicking it up. And something tells me Henn needs to introduce more dick into his repertoire.”
“That’s your advice for attracting women? ‘Dick it up’?”
“Absolutely.” He winks at Henn. “Trust me, man. Just throw a big ol’ steaming pile of ‘I don’t give a fuck’ on every woman who crosses your path for the next month, and you’ll have to beat the babes off with a stick.”
“Sorry, Josh,” Henn says. “No offense, but your advice is utterly worthless to me. When you dick it up, I’m sure women wanna birth your babies—but if I were to dick it up even a little bit, women would just call me a dick and walk away.”
“That’s not true, man,” Josh says. “When it comes to women, certain things are tried and true, no matter who you are.”
I sit back in my chair, smirking at Josh. “Please, oh wise and powerful one, tell us more nuggets of wisdom about how any man, no matter who he is, can bag a babe.”
“I’d be glad to. Well, for one thing, women think they wanna be chased—that’s what all the movies and books tell ’em they want—but they don’t. Not really.”
“We don’t?” I ask. “Huh. Fascinating.”
“It’s true. You chase a woman too hard, she thinks you’re desperate—and women can’t stand desperate.” He grins at me. “That’s rule number one. If you do the equivalent of driving to her house and holding a boom box over your head, you might as well hand her your dick and balls in a Ziplock baggie, too, ’cause you’re not gonna need ’em any more.” He leans back, looking at me with smoldering eyes. “You always gotta leave her wondering, keep her guessing—at least a little bit.” He winks at me. “That’s how to keep her wanting more.”