Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
I spent the night on Aaron’s floor, because with my new revelation it felt weird to suggest sleeping in the same bed. I shouldn’t have drank so much. I shouldn’t have drank at all, technically, but I’m twenty-one next month anyway so, whatever.
I’m afraid of what things might be like between me and Cass after that kiss. So maybe he doesn’t know it’s me who accosted him in the labyrinth, but I do. I now know what his lips taste like, what holding him is like, and that I get rock-hard when he grabs my ass.
There is no undoing any of it, and I’m still fuzzy on the consequences of this revelation, because I never imagined a… gay future for myself. I don’t know if I want kids, but it was always so obvious to me that one day I’d find a woman who’d become my wife. My parents are open-minded, but they never even considered I might be anything but a straight son who’ll eventually bring home a future daughter-in-law.
Even Cass never really asked me about gay stuff, which makes me sad whenever I think about it, because it means he felt the need to hold back in our friendship. That he was afraid I might reject him. But when I think of all the times we studied together, I wish he had told me, so we could have kissed on my bed, on top of coursework.
It’s all so heavy to think about on a hungover brain.
Aaron offered to drive me, but after we drank his secret cabinet dry together, his face looked so gray I didn’t have the heart to accept. It took me forty minutes to reach the apartment on foot, and by the time I arrive, all I want is to grab a glass of water and hide under my comforter.
It’s not meant to be.
“You look like you had a good night. Did the date go well?” Cass asks.
I drop the keys in panic, convinced he’s seen through me and that the question is about our kiss last night. But when I look up and see him hugging a pillow on the sofa, there’s no anger in his expression.
“Uh… yeah, I guess. Kinda. No, it didn’t, actually.” Why am I like this? “It’s not gonna work, but Aaron roped me into a drink in town and things got out of hand so I spent the night at his. How about you?”
I walk into the living room and sit on the opposite side of the sofa, aware of his body in ways I haven’t been before. Did I really stuff his face under my armpit just last month? What was I thinking?
Cass looks great in gray pajama pants and a plain T-shirt, and I count myself lucky that the pillow sits on his crotch, because I might have revealed my secret by staring.
How? How can a guy go through such a rapid change?
Still, despite the chaos inside me, I try to continue this normal conversation and add, “What about you? Did you have fun… with Logan?”
Cass’s expression remains unchanged, but his eyes dim. It’s only then that I spot the plastic mace I dropped at the labyrinth sitting on the coffee table, and my knees so soft.
“You know, I really want to go out,” Cass says and offers me a smile that seems sad somehow. “You up for a little hike?”
“Always. Just let me grab my shoes.”
I might feel like shit, but fresh air always does me good.
I’m suddenly aware of how slobby I am around the apartment sometimes. I walk around in a T-shirt with a hole at the bottom, and neon green sweatpants that have seen better days. If I’m to be gay around Cass, even secretly, I need to step up my game.
I was supposed to just grab hiking boots, but end up jumping into the shower for an express wash, because I refuse to smell of booze and Aaron’s carpet around Cassian. I try to dress as fast as possible when I’m done, but my brain is sharp again and conjuring images of Cass showering, of the times I’ve seen him naked when we went skinny-dipping, or that time last week when I had the bright idea to snatch the towel off his hips and let him chase me around the house.
I am an idiot.
By the time I leave my room, he has coffee waiting for me in a thermal cup, and the air smells of the eggs and bacon filling for the sandwich resting next to the beverage.
“I figured you might need an energy boost. You can eat in the car,” Cass says, zipping up his waterproof jacket.
I’m so happy I could cry. “Oh, God! It’s like you read my mind.” I grab the sandwich, put my puffy jacket on and we’re out.