Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
I feel like I’m about to get sick. “I… I don’t know. It was a joke, and then it got out of hand…” My eyes well up no matter how desperate I am to keep them from spilling tears.
“Kissing me was a joke to you?” He looks so hurt I rush up to him and touch his arms.
“No, no, no, that’s not what I meant.”
He shakes his head. “What about the blowjob I gave you, huh? Was that just a joke too? I know you remember what happened. You still have a hickey! Why are you playing with my feelings?”
I’m sinking. At this point, I don’t know if I even deserve his affection. I’m a mess. I don’t know how to admit that I’m gay to the one person who matters. Cass is gay, so this should be easy, yet the words don’t want to leave my mouth. I don’t have the vocabulary to talk about what we did on my birthday. I fucked up his thing with Logan. I lied about the troll.
I don’t know if he’d want me after everything I did, but I’m too afraid to find out.
“What’s that?” I ask.
Cass frowns, glancing toward my desk. “What?”
I shove off my lamp off the nightstand and run right past him.
And then to the door.
And then out of the door.
Without a jacket, without my phone, without my keys.
I just run.
Chapter 19
It’s way past nine in the evening and I’m nursing the one drink Levi bought me out of pity. I’m glad I have shoes on, but one thing is obvious. I can never go home. My future is probably Alaska. A cabin in the woods where I am never found and my shame is forgotten.
Around six p.m. each day, Rainbowology turns from a lively cafe into a casual evening venue. Sometimes there’s live music on the weekends, sometimes there’s a pizza night, and sometimes Levi rents the space to various college clubs and societies for meetings.
Tonight, it’s dead. I stick out like a sore thumb among the few students sitting at their laptops. I wish there was a crowd I could melt into, but it’s not like I can conjure one. Every now and then, Levi sends me a suspicious glance, but then I just pretend not to exist. It’s worked well enough in the last two hours.
But Rainbowology is closing soon, and what will happen then? If I crash at Aaron’s, he’ll ask me all the questions under the sun as payment, and I didn’t want to explain myself to other acquaintances either, so the verdict on my immediate future is still up in the air.
I could go home while Cass is attending classes, or working, and gather my things, but it wouldn’t be fair to leave him without a roommate to foot half the bill for the apartment. I struggle to remember the state of my bank account, but it surely doesn’t contain enough money to tide him over for the rest of the year.
I startle when someone pulls out the chair at my table, but it’s only Levi, who sighs and sits down next to me. He rolls up the sleeves of his blue flannel, revealing colorful tattoos.
“You’ve been sulking here for hours. I hope you’re not considering breaking an arm this time.” He puts two large glasses of beer between us.
I flinch, hoping someone else calls him over, but the cafe is quiet tonight, and unless something explodes in the back rooms, the sly bastard is here to stay.
“It’s not funny,” I mumble.
“No?” Levi picks up the glass of beer and raises his brows. “All the friends I told think it’s hilarious. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell them who it was about,” he adds when I lean back, stiff as a wooden board.
“Thanks, I guess.” I grab the glass of beer offered to me because beggars can’t be choosers.
“What I did notice though is that you’ve not been playing with your phone like a normal person, and instead, you’ve stared at the tabletop like some psycho.”
That does manage to squeeze out the tiniest smile out of me. “I forgot my phone.”
“Taking into account you also told me you forgot your wallet, I’m worried about you, kid.”
I groan. “Will you not leave me alone? I’m just having a bad day.”
Levi’s piercing eyes shoot right through me. “This is about Cassian, isn’t it?”
“It’s not.”
“Did he shoot you down?”
“It’s more complicated!”
The few people lingering at the cafe look my way when I raise my voice.
Levi gives a deep sigh. “Matt, you’re making it more complicated.”
“You don’t understand. He’s my best friend. If I fuck this up… I don’t know what I’ll do.” It feels like I might just die.
Levi is as calm as ever as he rubs his short blond beard then drinks a sip of beer that leaves a bit of foam on his mustache. “Judging by your current state, you already fucked something up, so you might as well tell me what happened and get advice from someone who’s been in several relationships.”