Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75999 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
He isn’t wrong about the fucking up part. “He found the troll costume. And we did stuff before he broke up with Logan. But we were drunk, and I don’t know what it means, and now I can never go back home. Can I live here?”
Levi blinks and puts down his glass. “Hang on. You did stuff? Did it go so bad?” he asks with a scowl. “You know, sex isn’t always perfect. There’s all sorts of weird noises, and nobody can expect you to be A+ during your first time. I’m sure he understands that.”
"He was perfect." I rub my eyes because they itch again. “But I backed out, because I’m a coward, and now he thinks I was messing with him or something. I hate this. Why do I have to fuck things up all the time?
Levi’s eyes narrow as I speak. “You backed out? That is the big drama that sent you running away?”
“I hurt him. And I don’t know how to talk about it. I don’t know how to fix it anymore.” I sniff, but have a gulp of beer to hide my face for even a moment. “I don’t have a grip on all these things I’m feeling.”
Levi makes a dull noise at the back of his throat and clinks his beer glass with mine, reminding me to drink. “It’s understandable that you’re scared of what might happen, but this is the guy you wanted to have your leg broken for. Call me crazy, but I’m confident that you really care for him.”
“It’s been brewing in me for so long now, but he has no idea. What if it’s just a bit of fun for him? I don’t think I’d be able to handle that. He’s my best friend, Levi. I can’t lose him.”
Levi is thoughtful as he swirls the beer in his glass. “I had a best friend like that when I was even younger than you, so yes, I do understand. But you have to take that leap, or you’ll never know.”
“Did you?”
He nods. “I did, and for a while, it was glorious.”
“What happened?”
“Doesn’t matter. Life happened. What I want you to take away from this is that at least I don’t regret never telling him. Things can always go sour, but if you get that time together, it will be worth it.” He pats my back, and I don’t feel so alone anymore.
“Levi? Can I use your phone?”
His eyebrows rise. “You need to talk to him face-to-face.”
“No, I want to call my mom.”
Levi frowns. “Please, don’t tell me you want her to come get you. You can’t leave Cassian hanging like this.”
“No, it’s just been a while since I talked to her. I’ll talk to Cass, I need to. I fucked up big time and I have to own up to my shit.”
Levi sighs. “I’ll give you a ride once you're ready. And if you want to make that call, come with me,” he says, rising from the chair.
I finish my beer in a few gulps. I need courage for what I’m about to do. I then follow Levi behind the counter, and all the way to the back room where I almost got my leg broken. I can’t get over how deranged of an idea it was, yet I couldn’t see it at the time. Maybe the anxiety I’m feeling about Cassian is just as blown out of proportion in my head?
Levi understands me without words, because he leaves me with the phone and all the privacy I could want. I’m actually surprised he’d leave me with his cell unlocked, but clearly he doesn’t feel threatened by me in any way, and I respect him enough to not search for dick pics.
Still, the receiver seems to judge me as I stare at it. This conversation demands a video call, and I’m now glad Mom tends to pick up every spam call she gets, because she might have not answered Levi’s phone otherwise.
She stills with her nostrils in the middle of the picture, until she realizes it’s on a video call. “Oh, hello there! Matt. Is everything okay? I don’t know this number. Was there a fire? At your house? Please tell me you’re okay.”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s just… It’s been a weird day.”
“Oh. Well, have you lost your phone?” she asks with a sigh and moves the camera farther away, showing a bit of our cozy kitchen. Her short hair has been newly dyed, and since it looks great, I am tempted to tell her that instead of answering the question.
“No. Just left it at home. I told my friend I really felt like talking to you and he lent me his.”
She smiles. “Is Cassian there with you? Hello!”
“Um… no. It’s just me.”
She frowns. “Something’s wrong, Matt. What is it?”
“I…” The words get stuck in my mouth, and I’m so stressed even though I do have a vague idea that my mom loves me and won’t disown me or anything. Would it be easier to write what I needed to say?