Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 68524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 343(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 343(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
“I can’t impose on you like that.”
“How is it an imposition? I have plenty of room. I have so much space that I gave the cat her own bedroom.”
“It’s incredibly nice of you to offer, but I don’t think you realize what a burden I’ll be. You just said it yourself, I’ll have weeks of healing ahead of me. What are you supposed to do, feed me, and carry me to the toilet, and… fucking hell, Miller, I can’t do this! I can’t have that surgery and be helpless and totally dependent on you. It’s too much. It isn’t fair to you. And it’s humiliating! I don’t want you to see me like that, all weak and pathetic.”
He crossed the room and crouched down in front of me. “There’s nothing humiliating about needing help, Collie.”
“There is if I can’t even get myself to the toilet.”
“It’s going to be okay. We can do this.”
“I don’t think you fully understand what you’re agreeing to.”
“I do though,” he said. “And if I’m wrong and you need more help than I can provide, we’ll hire a home health care nurse. I’ll bet my insurance will even pay for it.”
“But you’ve only known me for two days!”
“I know, but I like you, Collie, and I’m happy to help.”
“What are you getting out of it?”
“A lot more than you realize.”
“Please explain it to me.”
Miller thought about it before saying, “This last year has been rough. I work from home, because the studio is too distracting. I don’t know if I told you that. But I’m here all the time, except for Friday afternoons, when I go in and meet with my art director. Aside from that and my baseball games, which are every other weekend, I’m alone, all the time. And that isolation has started to feel normal.”
He shifted so he was sitting cross-legged at my feet and looked up at me as he continued, “But I don’t want that to be my life. I don’t want to put up walls between myself and the rest of the world. I also want to get the hell out of my own head. I’ve spent almost a full year sulking and feeling sorry for myself, and that has to stop.”
He rested his hand on top of mine as he said, “You’re giving me the opportunity to shift my focus outward instead of inward. If you trust me to take care of you, you’ll be allowing me to do something good, something that matters. Don’t you see? I need that, Collie. And I need you in my life. I need your friendship, and your sense of humor, and your unpredictability. I need the light you bring to this place.”
I blinked back tears and whispered, “That was a really good speech.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to put it into words.” He gestured at the tub and asked, “Now, are you sure I can’t help with any of this? Because we have a wedding to get to.”
“No thanks, I’ve got it. Let me be self-reliant while I still can.”
He got up and said, “In that case, I’m going to get dressed and go help my friends get everything set up. Come join us when you’re ready.”
He’d gotten the idea to ask his neighbors across the street if we could get married in their backyard. I would have been fine with getting married in his, even though it was a jungle, but he’d seemed pretty happy when he came up with this idea.
I said, “See you soon,” and watched as he left the bathroom. Then I added a little hot water to the tub and proceeded to take an awkward, one-handed mini bath, while holding the heart monitor over my head to keep it dry.
After I’d done all I could in the bathroom, I went into the bedroom and got dressed. Then I stepped into Miller’s walk-in closet and took a look at myself in the full-length mirror.
I didn’t have a lot of dressy clothes, but I’d tried my best to look nice. I was wearing all black, like usual, from my ankle boots and slim-fitting cigarette pants to my long-sleeved shirt. It had elegant, bell-shaped cuffs that partially covered my hands, and a lot of big, frothy ruffles on the chest. I’d selected it both because it was pretty, and because the ruffles helped hide the monitor.
This shirt always made me think of my best friend Jeannie. She called it my poofy, puffy pirate shirt. I thought about sending a text to tell her I was getting married. But if I did that, I’d have to tell her about my heart condition, and the fact that I needed to have an operation. Not that I was planning to keep it a secret, but it would be a lot better to call her once I was out of surgery and knew I was going to be okay. I really hated worrying people.